Monday, April 30, 2007

Bill Moyers Hits on Jon Stewart



It's barely noticeable, but about 3/4 of the way through the clip Moyers ogles Stewart with a look you'd expect from a Catholic Priest in a Sunday School. It's okay Bill, you don't have to hide it anymore - I have it from reliable sources that Stewart feels the same way. Go for it, man. Don't hold back. Tell him how you feel.

In all seriousness, his interview with Stewart was one of the best I've seen in a long time. I've always respected Stewart for his take on what politics should be, and his outspoken discontent with what it has become. Regardless of your ideology, I think we can all agree that the heart of what Stewart is saying is exactly what American politics needs, and what it hasn't had for so long: someone willing to unite the country, someone we can actually get behind as a good choice, not the lesser of two evils.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with you Mr. Moyers - if Stewart was 10 years younger I'd be all over that. As it is, he's all yours. Besides, Stewart would probably be a crap lay anyway at this point. Back when he was the host of Talk Soup he probably got tons of ass, but then he had to puss out and go get married. Quitter.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Political Powers Activate! Go Go Pointless Punditry!


It's been more than a week since Bush invited the Democrats up to the White House to discuss the emergency spending bill with the qualification that he would not change his course, that no "negotiation" would take place. A small event, I suppose, but I couldn't shake an uneasiness about the whole ordeal and I have found myself, without knowing it, thinking back on that story, trying to get at something I didn't quite understand, trying to articulate what disturbed me about it. It wasn't the specifics or the details of the event, or even the particular stubbornness on the part of Bush, the unwillingness to recognize the Democrats as a party representing a legitimate concern of the American people - that is to say, our troops, our standing in the world, our economic future. Those are partisan arguments, and to get angry about those things is to miss the broader point.

What was memorable about Bush's invitation was what it represented, how it confirmed for me something that has been growing in our government for so long and seemed to come suddenly to the surface. It's not that we are divided (although we are), or that we seem ever-more steadfast in our opposing beliefs (although we do); those things are merely symptoms. And they are not because of one party or the other, nor are they more concentrated in Republicans than in Democrats, though they may seem so because the Republicans were in power for so long. What really happened when Bush made that statement was something much more fundamental. In that moment consensus and compromise - the genesis of our entire system of government - were abandoned for an advantage in political maneuvering. In that moment what was lost was the purpose for governing at all, any moral center which might guide us in a complex and dangerous world, and what replaced it was pure calculation.

Now that might make a Game Theorist giddy with delight, but it makes me sad to think that politicians in this country are now subject to a Prisoner's Dilemma they can no longer control, one that has so many lives hanging in the balance. Instead of solving what has become a political, economic, and military disaster not so unlike Vietnam, our elected officials are bickering on Capitol Hill in an attempt to ensure their own futures and vindicate their own perspectives. As divided a nation as we are now, that frustration may be the only thing that will unite us.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Democrats Vote to Change Name of United States to "Dirka Dirka Jihad"

Just as the troop surge is starting to show real progress in Iraq, the anti-victory Democrats have passed a bill (though just barely) that calls for a withdrawal beginning as early as October of this year, with the goal to have all troops out within a year from the October draw-down. Here's the gist of it, according to the New York Times:

The White House reaction was swift and harsh. “Eighty days after President Bush submitted his troop funding bill, the Senate has now joined the House in passing defeatist legislation that insists on a date for surrender, micromanages our commanders and generals in combat zones from 6,000 miles away, and adds billions of dollars in unrelated spending to the fighting on the ground,” said Dana Perino, the administration spokeswoman.

With the veto coming, some Democrats argue that the bill should simply be stripped of the timelines that have drawn Mr. Bush’s ire and sent back with the benchmarks and troop readiness rules intact. Others say Congress has made its antiwar statement and should now give the president the money without conditions.


Those pussies. Now al-Qaida - completely on the ropes and hardly even functioning at this point - will just have to wait it out for a year. Then (because they haven't already), they'll be able to inflict some real damage. I can't believe this, this....this complete flouting of the President's impeccable military strategy up to this point in Iraq. We've got Iraq under control; now we need to focus on some other very important missions, some of which are outlined below.



Sure, there have been some minor setbacks in the war, and even the most devout warhawks acknowledge that his now infamous Mission Accomplished speech might have been a bit premature. But now we'll never know. I thought the biggest lesson we learned in Vietnam was that if we fuck up and end up in the middle of a bloody civil war, we should just stay until there is no one left (and hell, we won't have to wait much longer seeing as 2 million Iraqis have already fled the country). Apparently what we learned instead is to cut-and-run.

The answer: a draft! That's right, time to put our bodies where our failed hopes of bringing democracy to the Middle East are - gear up boys, we're heading to Iraq. We need to show the world that no matter how badly we botch post-invasion plans, no matter how underfunded our troops, no matter how incompetent former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in giving our generals too few troops the first time around, we're sticking to our guns, literally.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Conservative Tuna: an idiot's guide to understanding the political universe

So in the interest of checking out what other people were bullshitting about on their blogs, I surfed around the excel file of blogs and came to this little gem: Conservative Tuna, which perhaps not so coincidentally happens to be an anagram for "Rove: A Navie's Cunt." I'm not sure what that means, but maybe that is fitting since none of what TunaCon writes seems to be any more coherent.

Reading a couple entries of that thing reminds me of listening to Bill O'Reilly, except Billy is funny and entertaining. The best analogy I can give to the experience of reading TunaCon's blog is the act of bludgeoning myself over the head with a mallet labelled "dumb ideas" until I pass out. Three entries in, I felt like I do after I see a shitty movie: I wanted some monetary compensation for the 5 minutes of my life that I had wasted.

Which brings me to the links on the side of his page - FoxNews? Seriously? There is a reason why no conservative papers (with the exception of the Wall Street Journal) ever win any awards: they're terrible, overtly politically biased (I concede that all papers have a bias in what they choose to report, but the best are objective in how they report what they do), and generally spineless. True patriotism is standing up for the values of this country when those values are in jeopardy, not bending over to give some red-white-and-blue fellatio to the Bush administration.

Now, I'm not saying that CNN is any better - in fact, they're both equally worthless. The only difference between those two networks is that watching one is like beating yourself senseless with a hammer and sickle, and watching the other is like beating yourself senseless with a swastika. Like TunaCon, they engage in boring and narrow-minded punditry that ignores the complexity of any issue actually worth talking about. And all three take themselves too seriously: no one cares what you think, partly because you're points are largely ideological ramblings with no factual basis, and partly because you're just not that good at making them anyway.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Lookout Senator Reid! Cheney's Got a Gun!

Democrats and Little Bushy's right-hand man sparred off on Capital Hill today over the emergency spending bill the Democrats have been using as political leverage to force the President's hand on the management of the Iraq war. And if I were Senator Reid, I'd be afraid, very afraid; rumor has it that lawyer he shot was a closet-liberal that Cheney's commie-dar picked up a mile away. I'm not saying he did it on purpose - defending America against terrorists seems to be a subconscious tick for Cheney and what flag-loving American doesn't respect a man who shoots first and looks later? But that kind of mania doesn't bode well for Reid, and judging by Cheney's comments today I wouldn't don a hunting vest anytime soon (don't want to give the VeePee an excuse). Here's what he said:



“What’s most troubling about Senator Reid’s comments yesterday is his defeatism,” said Mr. Cheney. “And the timetable legislation that he is now pursuing would guarantee defeat. Maybe it is a political calculation.” He went on to say something to the effect of: the Democrats want the war to go badly because if it does they will win the next election, and to that I have this to say:

Too right, sir. I'm so tired of the Defeatist Democrats undermining the War on Terror and being generally un-American, so tired in fact that I've recently purchased a Hummer painted red and white blue to counter the "woe-is-me" attitude espoused all over the liberal media. And the blatant use of the War as propoganda for votes? Shocking, absolutely shocking. The Administration needs to fight back with a new wave of fabricated hero stories like that of Jessica Flynch and Pat Tillman, which coincidentally happened right after the Abu Gharaib scandal broke. I'm worried though that a couple feel-good stories won't be enough this time. Desperate times call for desperate measures, something on the order of an Iraqi rescuing 20 injured Marines while singing the pledge of allegiance.

These Democrats are so peace-hungry they're ignoring the vast strides we've made with the new Baghdad Security Plan (like McCain's tour of the market, for example!). They need to stop harping on all of the minor blips in the quest to bring democracy to the Middle East, the little snags like the 80 people that died today in the new-and-improved suicide bombings or the huge Berlin-esque wall we are currently building around Sunni and Shia neighborhoods, which are apparently now considered "gated communities." Who wouldn't want to live in one of those? Sure millions of Iraqis have fled the country in the largest mass-exodus in 50 years, but you know what that means? Great housing prices. It's the only place I can afford real estate right now anyway because of the inflated market at home. Even Laura Bush agrees. I am so there.



Still, for a spineless commie Reid had some fighting words of his own. “I’m not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody who has a 9 percent approval rating,” were his exact words. SNAP! Now that's some drama, way better than the episode of House I was going to pirate off of Limewire tonight. A cheap shot though, to be fair. It's not Cheney's fault he looks like Senator Palpatine, or that he's completely lost touch with reality. Besides, he's bound to die any day now - Reid should play nice.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Giuliana is a Commie (and also, Pat Buchanan for President)

At least that's what most conservative voters think, according to a recent Times poll on the former New York Mayor. (Obviously, my stance on Giuliana's political leanings are clear). Actually, I lied. That's not what they said at all - they actually said they'd vote for him - but that's what they think if the Los Angeles Times article on his candidacy is to be believed. Sure, the reporter only talked to a few God-fearing Christians in Iowa, but everyone knows that the correct thing to do is to interview a few people in a small town and draw sweeping conclusions about the entire conservative voter base accordingly. Nonetheless, citing things like his unreasonable support of godless liberal positions on abortion, gun control, and a myriad of other anti-Jesus issues like science, reason, and divorce, the apparently representative sample of Mid-Western fascists seem to be in agreement that they'd rather see a total pussy in office than a Democrat. I suppose I wouldn't expect anything less from people stubborn enough to still believe in the Bible.

Still, my point stands: Giuliani is a commie (catchy campaign slogan for Thompson? I think so.) Enough of this centrist-leaning, "oh I just want someone that can win in the general election" bullshit. You know why the Republican party sucks ass now? It's got no balls. Bring back Reagan! Bring back the Cold Warriors! Stop trying to sugar-coat the conservative platform and get back to roots of the movement: slavery, laissez-faire economics, and most importantly a Puritan (now Evangelical) theocracy. If we ran our society like the one in The Scarlet Letter, we wouldn't have to worry about abortion, gay people, or anything else. We could just make a letter for every transgression of the Ten Commandments, then you'd know exactly what you were in for with each person you met. We could even know right away the people that were destined for Hell - 3 or more and you're headed straight for Satan. Better yet, we could just use numbers to denote the violation, since every good American should know his 10 Commandments backwards and forwards.

Back to my original point. This country is in a state of moral decay and it's time we do some cleansing. The Final Solution: Pat Buchanan for President. Now there's a real American we can all get behind. Hate homeless people, gays, and lazy minorities? So does Pat Buchanan! Want to carry guns around in case a meth addict tries to rob you? You can if you vote for Pat. In a sheepish, flip-flopping, John Kerry-like approach to winning over the conservative base, Guiliana has been moving to the right in order to look more like Hitler and less like Nader. Last week he came out in support of the recent Supreme Court decision to uphold a ban on mid-term abortion. That wouldn't be odd, except that he vowed never to oppose that ban in 1997. He also said individual states should be able to decide whether or not it was allowed to fly the Confederate flag. Still, none of that will help him against true believers like those interviewed in the Times article:

"I would not vote for Rudy, because he's been married and divorced twice," said Norman Nieuwsma, 73, a retired postal clerk who was buying a gold coin honoring the town's 2007 tulip queen. "It's a Christian issue. When you take the oath — for better or worse, until death do us part — that's what it means."

Amen.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Breaking News: Businesses Like Profits

Anyone surprised? People seem to be judging by how much bitching I've seen in the last week about NBC's decision to air the cleverly named 'killer tapes.' In the last three days I have read articles by the Los Angeles Times, New York Times, and Washington Post regarding the moral outrage of grief-strickn viewers who saw the tapes and have since joined up with the rest of the right-wing Hypocrite Police to bitch about something they probably watched every time it came on air.

I take that back actually - it would be a mistake to assume all people aren't equally stupid (and I say stupid because they're not intelligent enough to realize they are hypocrites and shut the hell up). Now I'm only a 4th year political science major, so I could have this wrong, but last time I checked economics functions principally through the laws of supply and demand. If a product is in short supply, it is in higher demand. Expanding that out a bit, if a product is scarce, its value increases (example? gold, diamonds, all precious metals are nothing more than rare, shiny objects). Our behavior has taught every business that pays attention to give us what we want and give it to us now. If you want to call what happened at NBC a monstrosity, what does that say about the mad scientist?

We live in a hyper-capitalist consumer-oriented society and then we get our panties in a bunch when news organizations act like we do, when it's us who have allowed them to be owned and operated like a fucking business. So what the hell does any of this have to do with airing those tapes? Ratings. If the same idiots who are complaining about those tapes didn't watch them 30 times each the networks would have never aired them anyway (and I feel compelled to mention here that all of them aired the tapes and are now on the naught-NBC bandwagon to deflect criticism from themselves for making the exact same decision). I'm defending their airing and I haven't even watched them, and here's why: I'm insulted by people who argue that a supposedly-independent, free press should censor our information for us. These are the same people arguing against Howard Stern and Don Imus, the same people who want more censorship everywhere because they're shitty parents.

That kind of mentality short changes our own agency in the process, which isn't really all that surprising because anyone that is bitching about these tapes has probably shortchanged their own agency already. If you don't like it, don't watch it. And as for the ridiculous claims that the tapes alone are somehow encouraging copycat crimes...well, I already said it, they're ridiculous. Do you want to know what has encouraged people to perpetrate the same kind of crimes as the Columbine kids and Cho? The relentless 2-week long 24-hour news coverage of this tragedy, the way we can't seem to talk about anything else, the way it forces us to raise issues which have been pressing for years but no one seems to give a shit about it until 33 people die (which I feel compelled to point out is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things). If kids think notoriety will come from their crimes, it's because they know the vast majority of Americans are so ignorant they'll watch it without even understanding why. And as long as we are willing to watch them kill people, the news stations will air whatever material they live behind.

Now without further adieu I'm going to post the videos in the vain hopes of increasing traffic to this site and thus raising my grade.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Alberto Gonzalez: you suck.


Simon gives Gonzalez the thumbs down.


When the news about Virginia Tech broke, and it was announced that the Senate Judiciary Hearing would be postponed, my bet is that Gonzalez broke down on the floor of his office and cried tears of joy. Two more days to prepare.

Those two days didn't seem to have done much to help him out - he got crushed by just about every old wind-bag sitting at that admittedly intimidating long-table, even Republicans (when Republicans are nailing you, it's probably time to throw in the towel).

I suppose that, being a Bush-pet, it would be naive to expect him to do anything but what Bush has largely done (stick to his guns, even when the ship is sinking), but I was nonetheless shocked at the extent to which Gonzalez has continued to stick to his "I was at the meeting but don't remember anything said" approach. The smarter approach would have been to admit the reality of what obviously occurred: Gonzalez consulted with the White House and fired the U.S. Attorneys for political reasons.

Sure, he might take some flack initially, but at the end of the day the revelation that Washington is full of politicians will shock only the most obtuse people. If he was paying attention, he would have learned from Clinton (the one with the authentic, not simulated testicles): fuck whoever you want, just don't lie about it.

On the NPR radio show immediately following the end of the hearing, Doug Kmiec, professor of Law at Pepperdine, provided a much more articulate and defensible position than anything Gonzalez stuttered out during the hearing and probably better than his own lawyer's advice. My advice: he should fire his lawyer and hire Kmeic. It's probably the only chance he's got left to keep his dignity (his job is a lost cause).

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Democrats May Love to Kill Babies...

but they may not be able to for much longer if the Supreme Court has anything to say about it. In a 5-4 decision today, the ominous 9 - half of which are so old they are starting to look like babies and probably don't want to die either - upheld the federal Partial Birth Abortion Act.

The New York Times rightly points out that the decision is a semi-watershed decision, especially given that it represents the Court's turn from Roe v. Wade to a more conservative oriented 'right-to-life' approach. Personally I'm all for this shift; women have gotten out of control in the last 50 years and it's time to put them back where they belong (the kitchen). Enough of the invisible "right to privacy" that hippy Blackmun dubiously-inserted into the Constitution. Every life is sacred, even if it is in some form that we would have no problem destroying if it wasn't going to look something like a kid in a month.

Alright, I want to write more on this but I'm off to hunt some deer for sport. Good thing the commies haven't got to the 2nd Amendment yet.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

And the Pulitzer winners are...

The Wall Street Journal? What the hell? Seriously?

I did a double-take (more like a double-listen as I heard it on NPR) when that bit came up, and had to know more. At first I thought "that fascist paper won something?" and then I thought "maybe they deserved it," and sadly I have to admit their Pulitzers were well-deserved. For anyone that doesn't know, the Journal won the prizes for their expose of the "unethical practices of business executives who had rewarded themselves millions of dollars by backdating stock options."

Fair enough. But for the Pulitzer Prize Board to conclude that they had brought "widespread changes in corporate America" might have been an overstatement. Sure, CEOs won't backdate anymore, but the chances of that effecting any widespread changes seems to be a bit over-the-top. If anything the scandals with backdating and, less recently, with Schilling and Lay at Enron prove that corporate moguls are always one step ahead on such things. Still, fair play to the fascists over at the Journal for their hard work.







Monday, April 16, 2007

Charlton Heston Would Be Proud



Rock on, America!

Everyone is dead at Virginia Tech, but the 2nd Amendment seems to be alive and shooting at the White House, according to Press Secretary Dana Perino. Sure, 33 people just died, but let's not forget the other 300 million who love their guns! Perino's statements are so insensitive and hawkish it's almost funny. No. It is funny. Here's what she said, according to an Arizona newspaper:

“The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed,” Perino said, noting that Bush and Education Secretary Margaret Spellings held a conference on school gun violence last October. “Certainly, bringing a gun into a school dormitory and shooting ... is against the law and something someone should be held accountable for,” Perino said.

This is one of those times when the proper thing to do would be to throw up. Still, I find myself laughing, not because what happened at Virginia Tech is funny. To the contrary, the most hilarious part is that our President, who should be as saddened as the rest of us, thought hard enough to throw in that little gem about the 2nd Amendment.

Friday, April 13, 2007

McCain Kills Iraqi Marketmen

Okay, McCain didn't kill any Iraqi market workers (Yellow Journalism is coming back in style, I can feel it), but then again they didn't kill him either (Bush would probably call this a victory for democracy). Know why? Because he had about 30 heavily armed Marines flanking him. Now I'm not one to fault McCain for not wanting to die - who doesn't? It's a different story, however, when that same person says you could walk through the marketplace freely and without an M16 and an armored Humvee.



Let me follow that by saying this: I like John McCain (as far as Republicans go anyway). He's willing to admit when he misspeaks, and he's intelligent and considers an issue from multiple sides and I respect that. The reason why this particular misspeak is so interesting is, in fact, because it came from McCain. The fact that a former Vietnam PoW would understand the reality of death and still bluff that he would be willing to walk around the marketplace alone says how desperate the conservative leadership has become.

I tend to wonder how McCain felt about how the 60 Minutes feature on him turned out. He'd probably laugh it off because he's a good guy (Bush would probably have half the staff kidnapped and transferred through extraordinary rendition to Pakistan and tortured), but I was surprised to see that McCain allowed that kind of access to him at a time when his poll numbers are diving faster than an Iraqi during a car bombing.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Gonzalez - Idiot or Genius?

Despite the fact that the case involving Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez is almost as over-reported as the Anna Nicole saga (okay maybe not, but still), I find it has interesting parallels with some of the past (and more entertaining) political scandals. The first one that comes to mind the Libby trial - you know, the one where Rove should have been on the stand but Libby got nailed. So now Rove's ass is on the line again and yet all anyone can seem to talk about is Gonzalez
and his shockingly stupid decision to admit he made a mistake. He should have learned from Bush - if you never apologize you never admit to making a mistake, and thus you are never wrong.

Case in point: Iraq. If only Gonzalez had 20,000 troops to force into 15-month tours. That might be enough to get him out of what looks to be a career-ending case of partisan politics.



Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Fuck it - why bring our troops home at all?

So apparently the US Army has once again extended tours of duty for active and future military personnel. Awesome. I personally felt like giving our troops less than a year between deployments was a really pussy thing to do; they signed up to fight didn't they? Then why the hell would we give them a year's rest? They're fighting machines! They don't have PTSD or flashbacks or remorse, or other weak civilian traits like families and wives and children. And I'm not quite sure, but last time I checked increasing the 12-month tour of duty to a mandatory 15-month tour for new recruits is the best tool ever to reach recruitment quotas. (lying about benefits and opportunities is a good one too, so we should just step up our efforts on that front as well).
The revolving door of military personnel in Iraq is a pretty good idea if you ask me. I mean a revolving door anything is an awesome idea really - look at our prisons! That door can't swing fast enough. Not that I'm surprised in any case. Check out the Bushisms on the sidebar of this site to find out why.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The President or The Fuhrer?

Today President Bush criticized House Democrats for their delay of the emergency spending bill, which is, of course, nothing new or even unexpected. The game is simple: Bush wants no time frame for withdrawal, and Democrats are banking on the public's growing unease with the situation in Iraq. What was exceptional and indeed comical (or perhaps tragic) about Bush's comments today was this:

“It is irresponsible for the Democratic leadership in Congress to delay for months on end while our troops in combat are waiting for the funds they need to succeed,” Mr. Bush said, adding that he is inviting leaders of both parties to the White House next week to “discuss the way forward.”But the White House made clear that Mr. Bush had no intention of using the session to negotiate or compromise, and Democrats reacted harshly.

If that isn't the most glaring example of how ridiculous "Bush diplomacy" has become I'm not sure what it is - although I don't expect the average American to see the insanity in Bush's statement (after all, the vast majority of Americans still believe in Creationism). No intention of using the session to negotiate or compromise? What the hell does that even mean? Isn't that what democracy is? I don't know, maybe I'm just being unpatriotic, but I'm pretty sure that when you invite someone to "discuss a way forward" the idea is to come to a consensus. Bush's attitude is fascist on so many levels it defies explanation. It's like trying to argue rationally with a Christian.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Mexican Ice FOR THE WIN


According to a report today by National Public Radio, Mexican "Ice", a potent form of crystal meth, has been making its way into the United States in increasingly large amounts due to the success of the Drug Enforcement Agency in shutting down smaller local meth labs. This new, highly addictive form of the drug is not only more potent but more dangerous as well.

The report was part of a series by the NPR on the "Forgotten War: the War on Drugs," and I'd have to agree about the forgotten part. It's time for a new focus! Our politicians need to show us they are serious about curbing demand at home in the United States, not just supply in Latin American countries like Colombia and Panama. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm dying to see Obama and McCain touring some recovery clinics gladhanding the meth addicts. I can see it now:

Obama: I'm sorry we forgot about you. We have to do better in providing you with adequate rehabilitation facilities in the future.
Addict: How about you give me some more meth instead?
Obama: I know what you're feeling right now, brother. Resist the temptation.

Rock on drug dealers and $20 grams.