Democrats Vote to Change Name of United States to "Dirka Dirka Jihad"

Just as the troop surge is starting to show real progress in Iraq, the anti-victory Democrats have passed a bill (though just barely) that calls for a withdrawal beginning as early as October of this year, with the goal to have all troops out within a year from the October draw-down. Here's the gist of it, according to the New York Times:

The White House reaction was swift and harsh. “Eighty days after President Bush submitted his troop funding bill, the Senate has now joined the House in passing defeatist legislation that insists on a date for surrender, micromanages our commanders and generals in combat zones from 6,000 miles away, and adds billions of dollars in unrelated spending to the fighting on the ground,” said Dana Perino, the administration spokeswoman.

With the veto coming, some Democrats argue that the bill should simply be stripped of the timelines that have drawn Mr. Bush’s ire and sent back with the benchmarks and troop readiness rules intact. Others say Congress has made its antiwar statement and should now give the president the money without conditions.

Those pussies. Now al-Qaida - completely on the ropes and hardly even functioning at this point - will just have to wait it out for a year. Then (because they haven't already), they'll be able to inflict some real damage. I can't believe this, this....this complete flouting of the President's impeccable military strategy up to this point in Iraq. We've got Iraq under control; now we need to focus on some other very important missions, some of which are outlined below.



Sure, there have been some minor setbacks in the war, and even the most devout warhawks acknowledge that his now infamous Mission Accomplished speech might have been a bit premature. But now we'll never know. I thought the biggest lesson we learned in Vietnam was that if we fuck up and end up in the middle of a bloody civil war, we should just stay until there is no one left (and hell, we won't have to wait much longer seeing as 2 million Iraqis have already fled the country). Apparently what we learned instead is to cut-and-run.

The answer: a draft! That's right, time to put our bodies where our failed hopes of bringing democracy to the Middle East are - gear up boys, we're heading to Iraq. We need to show the world that no matter how badly we botch post-invasion plans, no matter how underfunded our troops, no matter how incompetent former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in giving our generals too few troops the first time around, we're sticking to our guns, literally.