Thursday, May 24, 2007

Quick, Someone Assassinate Fred Thompson

For a while it was looking like Democrats had the Presidency in the bag: Guiliani is an abortion-loving, gay marriage endorsing liberal that none of the conservatives like (John Kerry, anyone?), McCain is old, and Romney (despite his unbelievable good looks and smokin' hot daughters) is a Mormon. That made me happy. I felt like I could just sit back and watch as they beat themselves with their informed, non-Biblically founded opinions.

But now it looks like Thompson wants to ruin that for me by running.

God damnit. The worst part about the whole ordeal is that Thompson has a legitimate shot at winning the nomination, and an equally legitimate shot at winning in the main election. Especially considering the people he's going to be (most likely) running against: A Black Guy and A Mannish Woman. We're fucked. The only thing we can hope for now is a gaff on the order of "Macaca," or some skeleton in Thompson's closet.

If none of those things pan out though, Democrats need to start considering other avenues. The best one: assassination. As far as I'm concerned, it would be payback. Military Nazis killed JFK, hippies kill Fred Thompson. The conservatives should take that offer, it's more than fair. JFK had sex with Marilyn Monroe, Thompson plays legal-types on a TV Show.



Damn you, Fred Thompson.

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